My Life Is A God Damned Dumpster Fire

This is the post excerpt.


I’ve recently decided to start blogging (1997 called and said I should give it a try). Why? Simply put, my life is interesting…not quite “The Bachelor” interesting, but I do what I can with the budget I get. I’m 27 with a thirst for knowledge, a knack for making bad decisions, and a (reasonably) intelligent mind capable of changing the world, yet somehow not capable of remembering to pull a pizza out of the oven before it burns.

I’ve been hurt. I’ve been hated. I’ve taught. I’ve learned. I’ve loved. I’ve been poor. I’ve…well I’ve never been rich but I’ve gone to Taco Bell with $20.00 so I’d imagine it’s pretty much the same thing (infinite gorditas and Baja Blast!). But more than anything else, I’ve thought incessantly about how I can make an impact on this world without actually leaving my couch or putting pants on.

A little background on me: I’m a liberally conservative, sports fanatical, enigma of raw nerd energy, wrapped with a sexual appetite that makes Bill Cosby look like Bill Gates (too soon?). Political correctness has never suited me. To be honest I really don’t know who I am. Learning about yourself and thinking introspectively is one of the most frighteningly enlightening things one can do. I’m as much a mystery to myself as I am to you.

Without further boring you with cheap puns and toilet humor, with this blog you can expect to see the world from my perspective. Video game and movie reviews. My personal struggles with mental and physical health. Political opinions (because there aren’t enough of those on the internet, right?). Basically this blog will consist of everything that makes me…well…me. Hopefully my words can bring some sort of entertainment to a life of boredom, light in a world of darkness, and maybe even encourage someone to give this crazy life thing a try for one more day.

I’m going to leave you with a “quote” because paraphrasing isn’t plagiarism (thanks a lot college degrees!).

Be the change you wish to see in the World.

My goal with this blog is to change the World. But if I can even give a moment of happiness to one person out there then this is well worth the hours of procrastination it’ll take to write.

Until next time, Internet

The Millennial Falcon






Be Afraid

Free verse conceptual thing I threw together while eating cereal. It was lucky charms. Thanks for asking

I sit in solitude on this frightful night. Tricks and treats  abound. Some don masks in celebration supporting pagan traditions they’ve never heard of; Crusading around town creating mischief and terror where ever they roam. Fear not for the worst is yet to come…

I sit in solitude frightened by existence itself for fear of the realities of this world is a much more dreadful thought than any man-made monsters. Reality keeps me up at night. Pain. War. Loneliness. Starvation. Exile. The various isms that fallaciously separate us while creating an unrealistic sense of purpose and togetherness. Real creations from the world around us. Are you afraid yet?

The mask you wear is nothing compared to the mask we wear. For while you take yours off on the first of the month we still wear ours, permanently hiding ourselves from a world that has long rejected us. Living in a self produced hell afraid to show a world full of drones and phonies what an original thought and feeling is. My mask consists of something far more sinister than any costume created; a smile. Do I make you feel safe?

I masquerade through this world as a fully functioning member of society. Galavanting throughout your world faking conformity and content fearing only how many breaths I can steal of your air before you catch wind that I don’t belong here and I never did. I do not fear the wrath of death for life has burdened me beyond measure. Cheating death has become more sport than a means of self preservation. Be afraid.

So when you take off your masks tonight, remember some never remove theirs. The burdened. The downtrodden. The wronged. The hurt. We walk among you hiding the scars all over from unseen battles. We walk cautiously, yet not fearing the future because today was almost too much to bare.  Be afraid. Be afraid. Be afraid. 

I want My Nazi Scalps

These damn Nazis got me writing again…

I’m going to tell you guys and girls a little story. A friend of mine grew up in the Midwest and was super into the hardcore rock scene when he was in his early 20s. He sang in a band and from what I’ve seen on YouTube his shit was pretty dope.

Anyway, shows of that particular genre can get pretty violent and rowdy. One of the venues he played at and frequented to see other bands at one point had an issue with skinheads and neo nazis. They would come into the place, harass the female serving staff, start fights, and spread their nazi manifesto bullshit to the patrons there just trying to have a good time. 
At one point, these neo nazis started attacking people at random after shows for no reason other than they enjoy being bullies and felt empowered by their organizations and the numbers they brought with them. 

After a show one night, a bunch of neo nazis attacked the drummer of my buddy’s band as he was walki to his car. Before you ask, nothing was provoked. They simply did it because they could. It was at this point that my friend and his band and followers decided to do something about their nazi problem. 

My friend, his band, and their friends decided to go into the bar one night they weren’t performing. The nazis were doing their normal nazi shit harassing patrons and getting a kick out of being dicks. My buddy and his band decided to intervene when they were harassing a patron. All hell broke loose and the inevitable brawl took place. The nazis were outnumbered and outmatched by my buddy’s crew who were fed up with their supremacist bullshit. The nazis got their asses beat back to where they came from by a superior force. From that point until the time of this writing, that bar never had another problem with nazis in their bar ever again.

Fun story right? The good guys won! So here’s the relevance of this tale of bravery. Neo nazis cannot be reasoned with. You can’t love their hatred away. They only understand supremacy. That fucking liberal, hippie nonsense has helped get us in this mess to begin with. I’m all for treating people humanely and with kindness and dignity. However, I draw the line at literal fucking neo nazis showing up in my home fucking state spreading hate speak and saying that people who look like me don’t have a right to exist in this country. These people are cops. These people are lawyers. These people are judges. These people are on college admission boards. These people are in positions of power that prohibit people like me from advancing all because of the color of my skin. Seriously, fuck them. 

This was never about a god damned statue. This is about supremacist doing what supremacists do and trying to impose the will of a few nut jobs onto the majority populous. Their shit is not to be tolerated, but they will not stop unless they are FORCED to stop. They’re not going to willfully stop hating black people, gay people, Jewish people, Muslim people, and (secretly) themselves. They act like children at the slightest hint of any breakthrough of social change and, like children, they will only learn to respect their fellow man through fear and punishment. 

So how do we stop this shit? It’s not by loving them to death. Nazis don’t respond to that shit. I could sit there and be the nicest, blackest version of me and they will still hate the fact that I’m breathing their air. I assure you that I wouldn’t be the first black person to do something nice for them. They just want to hate because it’s a scapegoat from their own failings. No, nazis understand brutality and force. Their hate can only be eradicated from this planet by violence. I know. I know. Passive resistance. Be the bigger man. Love conquers all. Etcetera. It took a fucking war to eliminate this threat in previous generations. And it’ll take another. The battle lines have been drawn. So it is up to us to pick a side. Are we going to be the generation that allows their bullying bullshit to continue or will we continue what our great grandfathers started and eliminate this threat one swastika at a time?

Just so we’re perfectly clear, I’m not saying to go out and kill nazis. That emboldens their cause and provides a martyr figure for them. No, what I’m suggesting is a massive show of physical force. Knock these guys right the fuck out. At this point, these people are intruding in our homes (towns) and it is our duty to protect ourselves and keep their poison from perpetuating further into society and normalizing their bullshit hate. 

Finally, I just want to point out that this is not a partisan issue. I don’t give a shit if you’re left wing, right wing or somewhere in between. This is a patriotism issue. This is an American issue. There shouldn’t need to be a line drawn. I think we all can agree that these fuckers are wrong. I don’t dispute their right to assemble. They can literally go anywhere they want (especially someplace cold to go fuck themselves) and assemble in any capacity they’d like. However, they should be punished for being awful people. And I feel a just punishment is a prompt, sufficient, and merciless ass whooping to teach these children that they are wrong and their nonsense will no longer be tolerated. 

So in conclusion, I invite each of you to serve in the next part of this revolution. You’re either for allowing this shit to continue or you’re against it. There is no in between. Blood will be spilled. Lives have already been lost. But violence is the only language they speak so ensure you’re fluent. This type of behavior is outlawed in GERMANY of all places. Let’s show these hate mongers that they are not welcome in our homes. This is not a fight for the armchair activist and allies. If the extent of your activism is wearing a safety pin to show people you’re “safe”, then it’s best you stay home. Make no mistake about it, this is a fight. And we will win just as we have done before and just as we will do in the future if the Hitler youth ever poke their heads out from their hoods in the future.

Brushing up on his right hook,

The Milennial Falcon.

While I was gone

To the four people who actually read my posts (love you mom) I want to apologize for my hiatus. I wish I could say that I was off doing something to benefit the world. Sadly, I just got REALLY caught up playing Pokemon Go. I know, I know. Super nerdy and embarrassing. Somehow catching those little digital shits really took over most of what little free time I have. The fad died early for some. However, for some reason no matter how many people told me the game was a waste of time and was detrimental to my social status, I still kept playing. There was something gratifying about going against the norm that really resonated with me. In the game I was able to have full control of my character and make decisions that I thought were best for me. Escaping a world of powerlessness and engulfing yourself in a world where your power is absolute is an indescribable rush.

And speaking of lack of control, wastes of time, ignoring friend’s pleas to see the bigger picture, and things that have run their course…

Did you know we recently had an election (And the segue of the year award goes to…)? Man oh man! This has been an absolute shit show. We have REALLY seen the worst of people over the last year. I mean between fake news being posted and reported by the media, Russians allegedly playing a role in ensuring their pick as president, and the millions of people who are soon to be without healthcare, I’d say this constitutes as an official dumpster fire. It’s almost as if democracy is some sort of fallacy put in place to give those governed the illusion that they control what happens in their lives.

 I mean of course we have control over our daily actions. Do drug or don’t. Go to class or don’t. Quit your job you hate or don’t. But what about the major decisions…like who has control over the button that can end civilization? Whether or not women have access to birth control to thwart unwanted pregnancy (and please don’t give me that “don’t have sex then” bullshit)? Whether your school in the hood gives its students the same opportunity to learn as they do in middle class suburbia? Whether your government will be able to afford to pay you social security after working in the system for 50 fucking years (spoiler…they won’t). Do you really think that your silly election of bureaucratic, lobby-endorsed, wastes of taxpayer dollars is going to change your community? Sadly, history has proven that that’s not going to be your savior. The Trump campaign recognized a desparate need for this country’s to make changes in the political climate and capitalized on it.

Anyone who’s read this blog (yeah all four of you) knows that between the 2 choices there, in my opinion,  was no right answer. We could either vote for the black vote pandering, email distributing, symbol of the status quo or we could vote for the pussy grabbing, foul mouthed, abortion of democracy that promised to shake things up and “drain the swamp” of all of the career politicians and liars that have found their way into positions of power in this country. I’m not going to give you some heartfelt liberal bullshit about caring about your fellow man because it’s not my responsibility to teach you how to give a fuck about other people. All I’ll say is that I understand your rationale for wanting to vote for Trump. But…

Ya played yourself. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. He hasn’t even been put in the office yet and he’s already going back on most of his major campaign promises. He’s going to lock up Hillary? Yeah…good luck since the FBI has spent a shit ton of your money and come up with nothing they’re going to charge her with. He’s going to build a wall to keep all the murdering and raping Mexicans out and they’re going to pay for it? Oops. He meant he’s going to raise your taxes to build a wall and they’re going to pay us back (Mexico’s government has said MULTIPLE times that we can go fuck ourselves). Luckily, he’s dismantling the affordable care act, though (or obamacare if you want to be a dick about it) and replacing it with something fucking YUGE and waaaaayyyyy better than what’s in place currently.  I’m not going to say he’s wrong yet. I’m just gonna say that if he doesn’t follow through and create something better after repealing the affordable care act, then thousands of people are going to die and that blood is, at least in part, on his tiny hands.

I begrudgingly voted for Hillary. I think trump is a hot head who’s accomplishments are embellished and is going to be a diplomatic nightmare for this country. He is now the face of our franchise. When people think of America he is going to be the first name that comes to mind for generations after he is out of the office. I’m not going to be “that guy” and wish death on him and hope that he fails because that goes against my best interest. If he fails, then it’ll fuck us all. I want him to succeed.I want him to be a role model. I want him to be the start of a political revolution in this country. I want him to prove me wrong. But he won’t. He’ll do what politicians do best: lie to get elected, serve his own personal interests, and protect the special interests groups that supported him on his path to the top. 

All I’ll say is that I hope he takes the office more seriously than his track record and run of success seems to indicate and that his pussy grabbing exploits don’t become yet another black eye for the American populous. There’s only so many more that we’re willing to take before we start dumping tea Into Boston Harbor again. 

So I’ll leave this post with a plea to Trump on the eve of his inauguration: prove me wrong. Prove that you’re above attacking a handicapped person who disagrees with you. Prove to me that you give a shit about people who aren’t lucky enough to live in your tax bracket. Prove to me that you value women beyond the scope of their physical attractiveness. Prove to me that you take the job seriously and will not treat it like another reality tv show. Consider me to be your greatest critic because i will say as plainly and as clear as possible that I do not think that you are worthy of the office to which you were elected. However, if you prove me wrong, I will happily retract all of the negative prognostications I’ve made about you.   You talk a great game and you’re one hell of a salesman. But in the words of the wise and powerful negro poet DMX, “talk is cheap mother fucker”. Time to back up those words and make America great again for some and for the first time for many.

Out of retirement and hoping someone pays me for this shit,

The Millennial Falcon

You Can’t Have your Privilege and Eat it too

So this post is probably going to piss a few people off. You can’t take the view back (ha-ha) but I’ll give you a second to exit out (looks at imaginary watch). Are we all good here? Ok. Thanks to the few of you who stayed for the fun. Also to preface, this is not an endorsement of any political candidate for the upcoming presidential election. I’m going to save that until we see just how far down in the rabbit hole this farce of an election goes. Also, and I cannot stress this point enough, fuck Donald Trump (he will not be mentioned for the rest of this post as a man with such average hands deserves his own blog post).

So to the topic…Hillary. Oh that sweet,  black vote pandering, email deleting, pants suit wearing Clinton of a woman. I always knew I’d write about you, but I never thought it would be so soon. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not her biggest supporter (to put things lightly). She is a fantastic politician. However, from what I’ve seen, she’s a terrible person who eats children, worships Satan, and probably doesn’t use her turn signal when she’s driving (read all of that on the internet so it’s got to be true). What I mean by this is she is great a gaining buzz and getting votes, but I vote based on character, previous voting and political records, and credentials. She doesn’t pass my character test and is one of the many politicians that will say anything to get even one extra vote. Whether it’s to build a wall to keep immigrants out or it’s banning weaponry which will undoubtably stop senseless killings in our country (insert sarcastic emoji here) these politicians will literally say anything to get us to vote based on emotions as opposed to logic and a general understanding of how government works. Hillary represents the status quo. Business as usual. The idea that everything will be ok if we just stay the course. I need a new course. One that actually helps regular ass me put food on my table and helps rebuild an economy that was mortgaged by our predecessors on bullshit policies (#trickledowneconomics)  and rhetoric.

Well. Seems as if Mrs. Clinton has gotten herself in some hot water as of late. Deleting emails. Not sending troops backup leading to their deaths. She’s kind of been on a bit of a rampage. And even worse than that…she’s going to get away with it (because…reasons). The Internet is going crazy about all of this shit. People are curious as to how someone could possibly not even face criminal charges for what seems to be a blatant abuse of power and poor decision making. My question is this: why are you surprised? I vaguely recall a tough go at it for a certain melanated community over the past (1)5(0) years or so. Now, these people (who will remain nameless) have been discussing things about certain people in certain positions using certain judgement calls and there being certain grave consequences as a result. And I also vaguely recall a lot of these same people who want Hilary’s head on a stake saying that when you’re in a position of power your allowed a certain amount of latitude with regards to how the law works when they have been faced with these questions over the past (1)5(0) years. Why is it that all of a sudden, people are questioning how one can abuse their status or power in an effort to circumvent justifiable incarceration or other ramifications? There are several WELL PUBLICIZED examples of this that have been justified and brushed under the rug as of late so your (yes your) shock is bewildering to me.

The fact of the matter is simple: our justice system is all sorts of fucked up. We allow people with certain status to be granted immunity from political, economic, or virtually any backlash after committing acts that the rest of us would easily be jailed or fired for. So to those of you bashing Hillary for abusing her power to show us all how to get away with murder (shout outs to Netflix for that joke), I ask you to question your motives. You absolutely cannot admit that the justice system is flawed and then turn a blind eye to a community that has been telling you about this for generations. I won’t allow that. I will say it again a little louder this time. YOU CANNOT SIMULTANEOUSLY DENY THAT PRIVILEGE AND UNFAIRNESS EXISTS IN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM AND THEN COMPLAIN WHEN IT ACTUALLY EFFECTS YOUR COMMUNITY. So take your pick. Do you want to fight to make changes against the injustices within our own justice system or do you want to continue on with the status quo. Think about it. Or don’t and just keep complaining on the Internet. Your call.

Trying to change the world while eating skittles and wearing a hoodie,

The Millennial Falcon

Keeping it 100 (and 12)

Have you ever felt your life slowly spiraling out of control? Slowly losing yourself in the abyss and chaos of the world around you? Well hopefully not because that shit is pretty weak. Unfortunately, I can’t think of a better way to describe my 20s.  Not many people know this about me but recently I decided to try out this whole “being sober” thing after years of constant binging on the sauce. As of this writing I’m at 112 days. Anyone who has known me for the past 10ish years is probably shocked but it’s been a necessary and beneficial change in my life.

It was at a fortuitous moment when I was on antibiotics that I finally woke up (no booze for 10 days suuuccckkkkeeddd). I realized that I was filling myself up with booze to satiate my boredom. My feelings of professional and social emptiness consumed me so much that the only way I knew how to fill the voids of my lackluster existence was to keep myself in a constant state of intoxication. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I had some sort of drink in my hand.  It seems like for years looking back on it. There are so many memoryless moments that I was present for but I wasn’t “there”. All bits and pieces of memories that I can’t fully remember. Why? Because I was always looking for “more”. And somehow for whatever reason I thought that “more” would magically appear at the bottom of my bottle. Like things would finally make sense. Like my life wasn’t in complete disarray with no end in sight.

I want to tell you that everything has been sunshine and rainbows since I quit. Sadly, it’s made things so much harder. I mean obviously I FEEL better…this is the first time in what feels like forever that I don’t constantly wake up hung over. I’m not walking through life constantly irritated and feeling dead on the inside. But drinking was my primary means of coping with the stresses of everyday life. I had to learn how to go through the bad times without my favorite vice and how to celebrate without my favorite wing man making me feel fucking invincible and capable of accomplishing even the most mundane of task.

Instead of me living on my couch satiated by my existence for months on end, I actually feel every single day go by. Some days it’s fine. But the bad days…the days where everyone pisses me off and I look at my pay checks and wonder how the fuck I’m going to feed myself…those days are worse. I can’t just climb into a bottle and hope that tomorrow will get better. I don’t have that same hopeful disposition that things will work out ok. Instead now I know that it takes work to improve my standing, morale, and general feelings of self-worth. Now I have the motivation to go out and change my circumstances. Now I have a better idea of who I am (be that a good thing or bad thing) and a better understanding of how to function as a normal member of this world.

I’m  not going to pretend like this is going to be forever. For all I know I’ll be hammered again by the time this post goes live (I guess you’ll never know, huh?). But I came across some great advice from somewhere regarding depression and addiction. It doesn’t have to last forever. You just have to make it through one more day. I’m not at a point where I trust myself to just have one drink and call it a night. Who knows how long that could take? (Hopefully soon because I REALLY miss the taste of a nice IPA). But what I do know is that now I have the will power to maintain my sobriety for one more day. And that leaves a better taste in my mouth than any bourbon and ginger I’ve ever had.

I bare my soul in these posts and honestly hope I make a difference in someone’s life. If anyone out there needs help getting right then I hope you find the tools and wherewithal that you need. If there’s any word of advice I can give I hope you’ll ask. But for now I hope you all, regardless of circumstance, find the inner peace that I’ve found. Take care of yourself, Internet.

Sober and still reluctant to be your designated driver,

The Millennial Falcon

Can We Just Fucking Stop Already…

Can we just stop pretending like we give a shit about violence in this country? At this point all of the rhetoric is just talk. We pretend like we’re shocked about all of the bad things that happen across the country and in our respective towns. Why? This is, sadly, everyday shit. 50 fucking people were shot to death this weekend for LITERALLY no reason other than the disdain people have for one another in this world. At the end of the day, though, the hatred still exists and unfortunately this will go down in history as just another bloody Saturday in 2016.

I wish I could say that this act of hate is going to change the world; that somehow these murders will help to bridge the culture gaps and put an end to us harming our fellow-man. Sadly, if history is any indication, this will blow over just like Columbine, just like Sandy Hook, and just like every other shooting on every other block in every other city in what used to be the superpower of the fucking world. We’ve turned into a country of talk. It’s not uncommon to hear the USA chants and see the flags waving proudly. But that is a farce and nothing more than a show. Real patriots wouldn’t stand by and watch as their country turns into the laughingstock of the free world. Our education system is in shambles. Our government is in the pockets of special interest groups and big businesses. And we just sit back and watch tragedies happen and wait for the next one so so can pretend to be shocked. We caused this. We the people are to blame.

We elect officials into their positions under false pretenses to give us peace of mind and safety when in actuality we’re  at war with ourselves. We think the enemy is abroad and invading but in reality the enemy is us. We’ve grown comfortable with tragedy and realized that it’s easier to change a Facebook status than it is to hold our leadership accountable for choosing to protect their interests instead of protecting the people who voted them in. Both sides claim that their way is the answer. Both sides refuse to compromise. You’re either for one side or the other. We’re in the midst of a great political civil war here and casualties are the innocents and the innocence of the next generation. We’re so busy talking about whether fewer guns or more guns is the answer instead of coming up with solutions to rid ourselves of the cancer that’s eating away at our democracy.

I’m not going to pretend like I’m an expert on politics. I don’t  have all the answers. But what I do know is that if we don’t come up with a solution to this problem more schools, bars, and public places will get gunned down. The complacency and comfort of this country is destroying what the previous generations built. And I know that none of us want that. So quit pretending like your shocked when bad things happen and fucking do something about it. Clean up your neighborhood. Open yourself up to learning about another culture. But whatever you do, don’t pretend like your keyboard activism, your Twitter hashtags, or your disbelief that something like this could happen here is going to change the world. Just fucking stop already…

Pissed off and unapologetic,

The Millennial Falcon

It’s Hard to be Humble when you’re as Great as I am

With the passing of Muhammad Ali (R.I.P) and other people of influence and interest, we as a culture tend to celebrate the lives they lived by telling stories about what made them so great and how they touched us. The first time I saw competitive fighting as a kid, some channel was showing highlight film of Ali’s matches and I gravitated towards the sport (because evidently hitting people is allowed In certain contexts…go figure…). More than his smoothness in the ring, though, the way he spoke so highly of himself and the pride he took in his work and accolades really stuck out to me. As a chubby little shit who never really fit in, seeing someone who was consistently demonized as an outcast by society still holding strong to his moral principles and boasting about his greatness really resonated with me. It’s ok to be different. Not everyone will like you. Do your best and people will eventually recognize your worth. Don’t wait for the validation of others to understand the greatness that you bring to this world. That’s what Ali symbolized to me.

All the stories are really heartwarming. But when it’s my time to go I don’t want any of that shit. To quote the great urban philosopher Kanye West (seriously listen to his first 3 albums before he lost his fucking mind…the man was on another level), “If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell them. People never get the flowers while they can still smell them.” Translation: tell the people who you care about that they matter while they’re still here to get the warm and fuzzies from the message instead of ranting your feelings in a guilt-ridden breakdown when time has run out. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that there will always be more time. There’s comfort in knowing that tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities. However, tomorrow isn’t promised to all of us. Use today to make someone you care about feel wanted and appreciated.

Have a crush on someone? Tell them. Do you appreciate a good deed done by a peer? Make sure they know that their efforts didn’t go unnoticed. Has a certain artist touched you or helped mold the way you see the world? Tweet them. Share their work. Enjoying a certain someone’s blog posts? Share it with your friends and follow their threads (**wink**). The point is….don’t wait until it’s too late to let people know that they mean something to you.

I appreciate each of you for all of the likes, shares, comments, and general support. You’re helping me more than you know.


The Millennial Falcon